Husbands, Love Your Wives

I was talking to someone over the weekend about Ephesians 5:25-31, Paul’s instructions to married men, and he commented that he finds sermons on the preceding verses, Paul’s exhortations to married women, very common. Common to the neglect of the exhorting of married men. I’ve heard sermons on each, myself, and cannot judge either way as to which I’ve heard more of. But regardless of the issue, real or perceived, married men seem to me to not be learning much of this vital information prior to tying the knot.

In the blogosphere I found an older article detailing a practical but brief perspective on the Ephesians verses for men. And an even more explicit and holistic view of the requirements of the husband in marriage (note, this article is graphic, not pictorial, but graphic) as spelled out throughout the Bible.

Marriage is a beautiful thing, so I’ve been told and have observed. My parents have been married 28/29 years, or thereabouts. I’ve observed them learn to deal with things together as they’ve raised my siblings and myself (we did not make it easy). But together they have joy and I think they can say, looking back, that the love they shared on their wedding day was the least love they’ve shared since. Marriage is a joining, a merging of two different people into a single living unit. The joining and merging brings a broadened perspective, an enhanced effectiveness. In business classes we learned that a well-balanced relationship allows for a result greater than the sum of the individual parts. This rings true for a strong marriage. Individually we may attempt and succeed at great things, but together, standing on each others shoulders, in each others care and support, and in Christs love, there is little indeed that cannot be accomplished. And children. Not only are the effect tangible in this life while the two live, but their heritage continues in their children, surpassing even the memory of their own specific achievements.

Marriage is also a difficult thing. In the “Great Unified Theory of Everything” (GUTE) marriage falls under the category Power Tools. A powerful tool can be easy and difficult at the same time, both using and mastering. A power tool can do great good and great evil, usually not at the same time. I have seen my parents argue, mostly when I was younger, and I recall the fear and insecurity those arguments gave me. But with time I can see how my mom and dad worked to deepen conversation and communication between each other, setting aside time each day to spend together. Usually right when dad got home from work, if something else wasn’t going on right then, he and mom would go into a room alone and talk. That took dedication, creating a habit in what could be a very hectic time of the day. As dad made more money he had the time and means to get involved in several hobbies, one of which is Civil War Reenacting. He’s always enjoyed camping, but my mom was never much for camping. In the past camping usually ended up being a “just us boys” time, which was good. But with reenacting there were enough amenities around that mom could go and enjoy herself too. But he also sets aside weekends several times each year that he and mom will leave for a quick weekend. Sometimes they go to the coast, sometimes they go to the mountains. Dad spends lots of time looking up Bed & Breakfasts that are well recommended and off the beaten path and he and mom will spend a weekend away, another honeymoon. Their love is palpable.  Marriage is hard work, especially when children and life seem to be trying their utmost to pull you apart individually and as a couple, and making habits of togetherness and making the special effort to get away and be just together is of supreme importance.

Marriage is a wonderful thing, so I’ve heard. Like all wonderful things it takes a lot of work, hard work. The more work that is put in, the greater the potential. Realizing the potential is up to each of us individually, but for the couple the rewards are greatest together.

Our Story, From Matthew’s Eyes

She was smart, beautiful and funny, and most of all, she loved God.

February 11, 2007: Sunday morning I walked into Sunday School with the other Young Adults at Brainard Avenue Baptist Church. It was my second week back after being gone just over two years in California.

I had met the church and felt at home and accepted and appreciated back in 2003, and with that knew that I was to relocate at least for a while to Chicago after spending a few more years at home. After spending just over 2 years back in California, I returned to Chicago at the end of January 2007 and thanks to the generosity of friends church family in the area I was putting down roots.

Little did I know where those roots would grow and how my life was to change. Soon.

Back to that Sunday, February 11th. In my visits back to Chicago while living in California, I’d met some new members of the Sunday School class, students at Moody Bible Institute who were able to drive out to the suburbs for Sunday services at Brainard. It was good to see these people again in addition to the regulars and long-timers.

The Moody students had brought friends this Sunday. One young lady, in her first semester at Moody, had been searching for a church she could feel at home at while attending school, had taken advantage of her friend’s extra car seats, and was visiting the church for the first time.

The quiet, beautiful girl did not return for a few weeks.

When she did visit Brainard again, I made a point of talking with her for a few minutes. Making her feel welcome, I told myself.

It began as a friendship, nothing special. But I quickly moved beyond an average interest in her.

This was a Godly woman, beautiful, caring, very loving. All that attracted me very intensely. I had to get to know her better.

And so I did. Grace visited family in Washington for spring break. I missed her those weeks she did not come to Brainard.

I had offered to drive students to church from Moody when they needed extra seats, and one beautiful spring day they took me up on the offer. Three students needed a ride and so I went out early Sunday morning to pick them up. Due to the beautiful weather, the two others decided they were going to ride a motorcycle out to church that day, leaving Grace to ride with me by herself. She was not exactly comfortable with this situation at the outset, being alone in a car with some guy she hardly knew. But it was that or miss church, and I’d already driven out, so to not make a scene, she got in the car.

We began talking and found we had similar standards and backgrounds, and we both liked country music.

That afternoon several of us spent the afternoon at my apartment eating lunch, playing games, listening to music, relaxing. Grace and I continued to talk and get to know each other. I drove her back to school too, and said goodbye.

Over that spring the associate pastor and his wife invited several college students over for extended times of fun and fellowship, watching movies and entertaining their young boys. Grace was able to take some time off studying to attend one of these, so I volunteered to pick her up from school and bring her out to the suburbs so she could spend time with us.

The other Moody students had come out earlier in the day and so again I was able to spend time just with Grace, getting to know her better.

We also spent a Saturday helping some other students move to an apartment off campus. While there were others around, I sought out Grace and helped her and asked her to help me in specific tasks. I was twitterpated. And I believe she knew I was possibly interested in more than friendship.

Our friendship continued to grow and as the semester drew to a close I was trying to decide if I should ask her if we could move into a potentially romantic relationship or talk to her dad first. Various things led me to decide to speak with her dad first, but as I drove her and a mutual friend to the airport that morning in early May I bit my tongue.

Our parting was awkward as our relationship was possibly changing and yet neither of us had mentioned it to each other. We parted with an awkward side hug and I drove to work while she winged her way home to Dallas.

Earlier in the semester she had given me her cell phone number but had informed me her phone was broken and so I had not called her. As she left for the summer, she left a few boxes of things which would not fit in the summer storage at Moody which I was to take to the associate pastor’s house for storage. The boxes had her home address.

I spent the weekend visiting friends in Louisville, Kentucky and trying to work up the courage to call her or her dad. I still wasn’t very sure of her interest in me and I feared rejection. So I decided to try and talk with her one more time, just to gauge her possible interest.

Leaving Louisville late Sunday afternoon for the long drive back to Chicago, I called her. I’d used the address on her boxes to look up her home phone number in the phone book online. And now the phone was ringing.

Her mother answered.

“Can I speak with Grace, please? This is Matthew, a friend from Chicago.”

The phone call and the trip went quickly, all 4 hours of both. And I had my answer. We still had not talked specifically of our relationship, but I knew that if it was that easy for both of us to spend 4 hours talking and with similarities between us in standards and beliefs, I knew I wanted to pursue this lady.

The next day I called her dad. I spoke to him on Tuesday and asked if I could begin courting his daughter.

Over the next few weeks he asked me questions regarding my views and opinions on various matters and eventually told me he and his wife would allow me to court Grace.

I was planning a trip down to Missouri by then to see her for a weekend. She was working at Child Evangelism Fellowship’s headquarters outside St. Louis.

June 15th, 2007: The Friday before I drove down to see her, when we were having what by then was a regular evening phone call, I told her I’d been talking to her parents about courting her (she knew that already) and I asked her if she was willing to court me.

She said yes.

Over the summer she traveled to New York to work with children in the projects and other parts of the city, returning to Missouri and then Dallas in August, where I spent a week meeting her family and friends and having fun together.

We flew back to Chicago together: her to begin classes and me to get back to work.

Through the semester and now these months together I grew to appreciate more and more her strength, her tenacious love, her sense of direction and purpose, and her Godliness. Not to mention her beauty and her spirit, her consistency and organization. I knew rather quickly that she was definitely the one I wanted to marry.

Apparently she knew too.

After a winter trip to California meeting my family and friends and receiving further counsel from my parents, I began seriously considering marriage to this wonderful woman God had brought into my life.

After an intense period of counsel, thought, and prayer we were still unsure when the best time would be for our wedding to occur and our marriage to commence: Whether to marry this year or after she graduates in 2010.

Grace and I decided to have a period of time where we were to not contact each other but to spend that time seeking the Lord’s will and answers in our lives.

Ending Valentine’s Day, 2008, these 7 days were painful but rich, and we both, individually, felt God leading us to marry this year.

In the church parking lot, on February 25, 2008, 1 year and 2 weeks after we’d first met in the Sunday School classroom not too far away, I got down on one knee and asked Grace if she would marry me, be my wife and the mother of our children.

She said yes!

American Texan and I will be married August 2nd, 2008, in Dallas TX.

See our website at MattLovesGrace.com

To Some, They’re Truth

The words of Jeremiah Wright, the wrong words he’s spoken and made a central part of his message for the 20 years Barak Hussein Obama has considered him a spiritual leader, to some, they are truth.

Mr. Wright, for I do not consider him to be worthy of reverence or title beyond that of a normal man, is not the only person to preach those words either.

They are a variant of the philosophy and world view known as Liberation Theology, specifically, Black Liberation Theology.

From GotQuestions.org:

Simply put, Liberation Theology is an attempt to interpret Scripture through the plight of the poor. It is largely a humanistic doctrine. It started in South America in the turbulent 1950’s when Marxism was making great gains among the poor because of its emphasis on the redistribution of wealth, allowing poor peasants to share in the wealth of the colonial elite and thus upgrade their economic status in life. As a theology, it has very strong Roman Catholic roots.

Liberation Theology was bolstered in 1968 at the Second Latin American Bishops Conference which met in Medellin, Colombia. The idea was to study the Bible and to fight for social justice in Christian (Catholic) communities. Since the only governmental model for the redistribution of the wealth in a South American country was a Marxist model (gained in the turbulent 1950’s), the redistribution of wealth to raise the economic standards of the poor in South America took on a definite Marxist flavor. Since those who had money were very reluctant to part with it in any wealth redistribution model, the use of a populist (read poor) revolt was encouraged by those who worked most closely with the poor. As a result, the Liberation Theology model was mired in Marxist dogma and revolutionary causes…

…Liberation Theology has moved from the poor peasants in South America to the poor blacks in America. We now have Black Liberation Theology being preached in the black community. It is the same Marxist, revolutionary, humanistic philosophy found in South American Liberation Theology and has no more claim for a scriptural basis than the South American model has.

The race problem in America is real, that is undeniably true. But I do not think it is true in the way many assume it to be.

First, slavery was an inexcusable evil and a dark time for America. Today, many of us can trace roots back to those who participated, freely or under coercion, in slavery in America.

But at the same time, many of us can’t. And a significant majority have ancestors from the both the ideological North and South in their blood, as well as those who had no part at all. There has been significant immigration by all races to America after the conclusion of the Civil War and the active work of slavery.

The continuing and very real race issue was summed up by a new friend of Ed Kaitz’s. Ed had been spending time with the Vietnamese immigrants who’d settled in the Bayous of Louisiana, and while flying home he met a an American Black who’d been studying psychology and working as a prison psychologist in Missouri.

Ed tells it like this:

His answer, only a few words, not only floored me but became sort of a razor that has allowed me ever since to slice through all of the rhetoric regarding race relations that Democrats shovel our way during election season:

“We’re owed and they aren’t.”

In short, he concluded, “they’re hungry and we think we’re owed.  It’s crushing us, and as long as we think we’re owed we’re going nowhere.”

“They” are the Vietnamese Ed had spent time with, “we” are the gentleman’s own race, his fellow American Blacks.

Ed concludes his commentary on Obama’s inability to recognize the powerful forces of good in his life and the state of racism in America with this call to recognize real sources of ability and equality, accomplishment and future:

We now know that Barack Obama really has no interest in the “audacity of hope.”  With his race speech, Obama became a peddler of angst, resentment and despair.  Too bad he doesn’t direct that angst at the liberal establishment that has sold black people a bill of goods since the 1960s.  What Obama seems angry about is America itself and what it stands for; the same America that has provided fabulous opportunities for what my black friend called “hungry” minorities.  Strong families, self-reliance, and a spirit of entrepreneurship should be held up as ideals for all races to emulate.

Read Obama’s Anger at American Thinker.

Doug Ross, at Opinion Journal, quotes Nicholas Stix in Mens News Daily regarding Barak Hussein Obama’s run against Alan Keyes. Regarding Barak’s religion Nicholas has this to say:

…Obama’s closest religious advisers — Fr. Pfleger, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright of Chicago’s Trinity United Church of Christ, and Illinois State Sen. James Meeks, who moonlights as the pastor of Chicago’s Salem Baptist Church – may have quotes from Scripture always handy, but are theologically closer to Karl Marx and black nationalism, than to Christianity… The transcendent-non-transcendent motto the Rev. Wright has given Trinity is, “Unashamedly Black and Unapologetically Christian.”

Yes, we need a Marxist president. Exactly what the country needs.

More information on Black Liberation ideology.

LA Times speaks with moral relativism and class warfare.

Roger Simon writes, in homage to Andrew Goodman “Barak, I didn’t do it for this”

And what about the New Black Panthers?

10 Promises For 2008

From MomLoveBeingAtHome, these are ten predictions with a 100% certainty of occurring:

1. The Bible will still have all the answers.
2. Prayer will still work.
3. The Holy Spirit will still move.
4. God will still inhabit the praises of His people.
5. There will still be God-anointed preaching.
6. There will still be singing of praise to God.
7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.
8. There will still be room at the Cross.
9. Jesus will still love you.
10. Jesus will still save the lost.

Isn’t it great serving a God who is always the same, yesterday, today, for every tomorrow?

Grinch Award?

Last night, I turned the radio on to the Christian station I have listened to since childhood. I wanted some nice Christmas music and was looking forward to listening to a station I have always respected.

I was a bit surprised to hear “The Grinch” song being played and was about to change the station when the DJ started talking. Intrigued, I listened, for she mentioned it was time to give out “The Grinch Award”.

I couldn’t imagine a Grinch Award having anything but a negative connotation and puzzled over it. I was not left in suspense for long as she proceeded to explain the award and tell who had won it for the week.

She first apologized for the lateness of the award explaining that she did not watch the show, The View, and so had to read an article in the paper about the show later.

Apparently, Barbara Walters grumbled and complained over the Christmas card she received from President and Mrs. Bush because it contained a Bible verse. Barbara Walters was appalled that they sent out a “religious” card.

Because of Barbara’s complaint, this local Christian station gave her the “Grinch Award”.

I am not at all surprised by Barbara’s reaction to receiving such a Christmas card. What more can you expect from someone who does not know and believe the story of Jesus?

I am shocked and appalled at the action of the radio station. They should know better. Their action will only push more people away from Christians.

As believers we are called to reflect and share the love of Christ - and they did the exactly opposite of that.

If anyone here deserves to receive a “Grinch Award” it should be this radio station for their unkind, unloving, and unmerciful act.

The Dark Ones

It is not the quiet ones who go on to commit heinous crimes, it’s the dark ones.

After a crime such as a school shooting or the like, the neighbors and acquaintances are trotted out on TV saying they always wondered about this person. A phrase they usually use is that they were quiet.

I know quiet people who are just in a shell which needs a little cracking, they aren’t potential murderers, they’re just thinkers.

It is not the quiet ones who kill, it is the dark ones. A darkness of the heart so deep it can be seen in the eyes. Usually mistaken for pain, it is a festering rot which requires great and heroic effort by those around them to draw out.

What troubles me is the inability to describe this sin on the part of those around them. I would submit that the vast majority of those around actually did not see anything which concerned them too greatly, in the glare of the limelight however they speak with sagacity and deep import.

No one wants to be the idiot.

In contrast, a friend of mine told me he knew the murderer at the mall in Omaha. They grew up in the same neighborhood and while they were not friends, per se, they were acquaintances. He commented to me this boy was the darkest person he ever knew. That is an accurate assessment.

We don’t recognize the rot of sin because we’re all in it. A caring, loving individual would see the problem and it would be a true test of their care and love to seek to intervene in that life.

Those in a dark room don’t have the perspective to see how dark others are. As noted in the Bible:

He who fails to find Me, injures himself,
All who hate Me love death.
Proverbs 8:36 (ESV)

Now wait a minute, we say. The audacity of that claim is appalling. We know plenty of people who do not believe in God and yet are good people who would never kill or commit crimes like those we see around us.

But if God is life, and not just life, but Life. The epitome of vitality. The very essence of Being. Then to not know Him is to not know life. To not follow Him is to not follow life. And to not love Him is to not love life.

God does not accept ambivalence toward Himself.

Therefore, those who are around us living life as they feel they ought instead of how God directs are suffering from the same root condition as those who have killed without mercy.

Our responsibility to them is the same: we must show them Christ. Show them a way out of their lives of quiet (or in our modern world: hurried) desperation.

God’s responsibility is the same as well: accept repentance, shower mercy and grace, and when necessary, dispense judgment.

No Good Government Denies God’s Presence

Thanks to Dawn Patrol:

Mr. McCotter, I salute you.

Today’s Interesting Stuff - October 2nd, 2007

After taking a few days off from blogging (and work) to accompany my girlfriend to Baltimore, MD, to attend a wedding she was a bridesmaid in and taking a brief trip to Washington DC (first time for both of us), I’m finding it difficult to get back into blogging.

What else is new?

So let’s start with a wrap up of what I find interesting going on the world today:

Blackwater is persisting as various parties seek to find a scandal where one is not likely to be found. The leftists nutjobs in the media and Washington are so ridiculously invested in defeat they cannot see the obvious grasping involved in headlines stacked like this on the Salon.com front page:

Admittedly, the Salon.com articles temper their ‘enthusiasm’ with CYA words such as “allegedly” but compared with inflamatory rhetoric such as “shattered… moral authority” is there no one who does not see this total disdain for unbaised truth finding.

John Edwards is sincere according to himself. He is honesty and means what he says. We can trust our little children with him, in dark alleys, as the earth warms, and hurricanes destroy homes. He is sincere.

Back where it really counts, Niel at the 4Simpsons Blog has written a good article (as usual) explaining the the balance of freewill and evil in our troubled world. I’d only add that true love requires the ability to choose, something I’m learning more and more every day. God desires our love, He does not need it, He desires it. He gave us choice in order to make us appreciate His love and to free us to love Him truly in return. We love Him because He truly first loved us.

Speaking of really counting I’ve been dealing recently with the purpose of my life. I know I’m created for more than the 9-5 work-day world. I work to live, which does limit my career choices immensely, but I’m very blessed at my current job. I’m wondering at whether or not I’m to be involved in a more full-time ministry. There’s not a specific ministry I’m feeling called to work in though, and I’ve been called very specifically to work in several “part-time” ministries which require me to continue working… It’s all very confusing, but I’m finding ‘comfort’ (?) in something I read recently: God only lights our path a little at a time and part of trusting is stepping out where we do not see a path following His direction.

Trusting God is easy when you’re feeling His direction like a strong hand on your shoulder, but we don’t always see His direction strongly. David experienced this and wrote about it in Psalm 13, and his cure is novel: remember. After bemoaning his lack of guidance, David does not go on to say that God heard his calls and lifted him up and led him out of his troubles. No, God did not actively respond in this Psalm, instead He taught David trust based on past guidance and expecting future provision. When we are not feeling God’s direction, our responsibilities are to ensure our right-standing with Him, and then to remember. He has led us in the past and will continue to lead us. In looking back we’ll see His hands guiding us every step of the way. In the moment, when we don’t feel Him, we are to remember the times we did feel His guidance. In remembering His faithfulness, we are freed from our fear to trust His continued guidance.

I find it ironic, encouraging, and frightening that God has chosen to show this to me in a time when I feel very strongly His guidance in my life. Is there to be a long period of dryness coming? I pray that I’ll continue to trust Him especially when I don’t see Him.

Coward, Mother Of The Hero

Cindy Sheehan is a coward, her son is a hero. This just goes to show there are some things genetics can’t buy.

Cindy was in Charlotte NC recently protesting the defense of our families and children against the unspeakable hatred (thanks Barb) which threatens us all. Veteran pro-defense organization Gathering of Eagles was there to protest her and support the war against terror. Cindy is a coward. I wonder what would happen were we to put her face-to-face with real protest, real hatred? Fortunately for her, and unfortunately for our pleasant little thought experiment there, we cannot, in the foreseeable future expect that to occur (I’m really getting an itch to Photoshop her into a burka and put her facing one of those rabid mobs).

When faced with people, veterans and their supporters, she hides in her car, does not speak to her adoring sycophantic com-idiots and leave for greener pastures at the earliest opportunity. Then she logs on to her buddy Michael Moore’s site and blogs about how mean and nasty everybody was, including the police. If she gets this upset over that little confrontation, how come she can’t understand people REALLY willing to hurt her.

Anyways, here’s the story, as documented in the Charlotte Observer:

1. July 18th: Sheehan Stays On Sidelines At Rally
2. July 19th: Sheehan Criticizes Charlotte Police
3. July 20th: Sheehan Criticizes Charlotte Police (updated)

Her post on Michael Moore’s blog, where this peaceful loving lady labels the Veterans

neo-Nazi, pro-war fascist(s)

and claims that

the Eagles’ freedom of speech has included physical threats against me and actual physical force against kids and women.

If you don’t believe in the truth, you’ll believe anything you tell yourself.

Also, here’s the letters to the Editor of the Charlotte Observer, note the difference in tenor between those who just read the article and the father who actually at the park playing ball with his son.

Other Interesting Stuff Today:

• Michelle Malkin calls roll on the failure of the vote to add the  John Doe amendment which would have prevented suing people who report suspicious activity.
• 4Simpsons completes the series on the Bible and homosexuality.
• Jet contrails help mitigate temperature swing, the three days of grounded air traffic following September 11th allowed for some interesting studies.
• The Pentagon puts Hillary in her place. And is it just me or does she look not just old, but petrified? Every time I see a new picture of her face I think two things: “There goes one very bitter woman” and “It’s no wonder Bill did…”

Trusting God

There are times I do not feel God’s presence. The popular poem Footsteps in the Sand describes a stylized and reassuring portrayal of God’s care for us, but it is only empty words and platitudes for the most part. God has instead given us a concrete method of reassurance which we may use at any time. Whether we feel as though our prayers are hitting a ceiling, or as though the lamp guiding our feet is dim or has gone out, God’s plan works. This plan is outlined in Psalm 13:

1 How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.

The first four verses display an emotional and spiritual state many of us can relate to: Where is God when I need Him most? When God seems to have forgotten, when David is seeking counsel, when his enemies are succeeding in their aims against him, when he feels all hope is lost, David cries out and does not hear a response.

The turning point in this psalm does not say that God heard him even that there was any change in his circumstances. Instead he merely trusted and remembered. God had dealt bountifully with him in the past. God is the same yesterday, today and forever, therefore God will continue to deal bountifully with him. There are times each of us can look back to where God worked obviously and with great result in our lives. When we don’t feel His presence we can remember those times we did, and then we can trust Him to continue to work in us.