Great minds think alike, right?
I was mulling over different things about marriage and contemplating writing something, when I went to ipandora and saw that Matt had already beat me to it.
So while some of this may be similar, here are thoughts on marriage from the wife’s perspective.
I tell Matt I love him often. Telling him that is not enough for me, I have to think of ways to show him that I love him.
Sometimes that is very hard to do. Like Matt said, you realize how selfish you are in marriage.
I’m a pretty independent person, so it definitely takes some work on my part.
I have to consciously think of how I’m going to show Matt that I love him.
Sometimes that is by watching a movie I don’t think I’ll enjoy because he wants to see it. (and I found out that I did enjoy the movie)
Or by realizing that he has been working hard, too, and that some time playing computer games is what he needs to relax and unwind.
Also, it’s better to give him something concrete to do to help you, rather than just inwardly fuming over him relaxing when you are working. Don’t expect them to read your mind on what you need done.
This morning, for example, I was fixing Matt’s lunch. I had a jar of tomato sauce that I couldn’t open, so I brought it to Matt and handed it to him.
It was fun to watch the smile he got on his face when I handed him the jar. He quickly opened it, no problem.
Now, I could have stayed in the kitchen and pounded around the lid the end of a butter knife (this really does work, by the way) until I could open the jar, but I didn’t. Matt likes to feel needed and this was one small way I could do that.
He feels loved when I need him. Even if it’s just to open a jar of tomato sauce.
Then there was the realization that even a selfless act can be selfish if it makes him feel bad.
Matt has been sleeping by himself on the queen bed for months, and the other night, well, I guess he forgot he had someone to share it with now.
He was taking up a rather large amount of space and by the time I realized it, he was already fast asleep. (I envy his ability to fall fast asleep in two minutes…) I had just enough space and so decided to deal with it instead of waking him up.
Well, over the next two hours, he edged himself closer and closer to my side of the bed. I tried to gently push him back and he didn’t budge. So when it got to the point that I was about to fall off the bed, I took my pillow and a blanket and moved to the couch.
I didn’t wish to wake him because he had to be at work early and needed his sleep. However, I didn’t think about how he would feel when he found me sleeping on the couch the next morning. He felt horrible and would’ve rather had me wake him up.
If there’s a next time, I’ll have to think of some ingenious way to wake him up. [evil grin]
So there are lots of lessons to be learned in marriage, and I know I have just barely scratched the surface. The next 50 years should be interesting, so stay tuned for updates! 🙂